INTERNATIONAL SEAFARERS DAY - Address by Chief of the Naval Staff

Honourable Union Minister for Shipping, Shri GK Vasan, Secretary, Ministry of
Shipping, Shri K Mohandas, Director General Shipping, Dr. SB Agnihotri, distinguished
members of the shipping industry, fellow seafarers, members of the media, esteemed
guests, ladies and gentlemen.
At the outset, I thank DG Shipping, Dr. SB Agnihotri, for inviting me to deliver the
keynote address today. As a seafarer myself, I am happy to be in the presence of others of the fraternity on this important occasion. As all of you are aware, seafarers have facilitated maritime trade, civilisational contacts and new discoveries since time immemorial, even at the cost of enduring difficult conditions and facing grave physical hazards.
Modern seafarers are no different. They form a crucial element of the global
economic system, while braving risks, pressures and hardships that are unique to a life at sea. As the Secretary General of the International Maritime Organisation (IMO), Mr.Efthimios Mitropoulos said, without the contribution of seafarers, half the world would freeze and the other half would starve. I am therefore happy that the critical contribution of seafarers to global trade, international stability and the civil society as a whole will be celebrated as the ''Day of the Seafarer'' on 25 June every year. I applaud the decision of the IMO and International Convention on Standards of Training, Certification and Watchkeeping for Seafarers (STCW) that made this possible.
You are all aware that historically, India has been a seafaring nation with trade
and commerce at the forefront of her maritime endeavour. In fact, Indian trade was so extensive around 70 AD that the Roman Governor, Pliny the Elder, wrote that as many as 125 Indian ships usually lay in the ports of Egypt and Rome. As late as the fourteenth century, Marco Polo remarked that Indian ships were built to last a 100 years, and that some were large enough to require crews of 150 to 300 men. India’s share of world economy was nearly 30% from 1 AD to 1200 AD. By 1700 AD, it had reduced to 24%, and owing to the measures taken during British occupation, Indian merchant marine declined further. Against about 34,500 Indian ships that entered and cleared Indian ports in 1857, only about 1700 did so in 1900. Mahatma Gandhi summed it up thus: ‘Indian shipping had to perish so that British shipping might flourish’. By 1947, Indian merchant marine had declined to only 11 oceangoing ships and a total tonnage of only about 73000. In retrospect, the decline in maritime activity from about 1200 AD translated into our inability to contest European control of the Indian Ocean in the eighteenth century.
Today, after nearly two centuries, resurgent India marches ahead to reclaim her
historical maritime stature and take her rightful place in the comity of nations. Maritime trade is the key enabler of our economic growth and the modern seafarer as its facilitator occupies centre stage in our nation’s prosperity. Currently, we have a total of 349 oceangoing and 722 coastal ships; nearly 6% of the seafarers plying the ocean routes are Indian; about 90% of our international trade is carried by sea; and millions of Indians rely on ships to transport a great multitude of commodities, fuel, foodstuffs, goods and products that touch their daily lives. It, therefore, gives me great pleasure to pay tribute to Indian seafarers for their substantial contribution to national development.
At the same time, this occasion provides us opportunity to deliberate on a
contemporary issue of great relevance to the seafaring community - the rise of the
scourge of piracy.
Maritime piracy demands concerted international attention today not only because
it enmeshes security perceptions with complex socio-economic, legal and humanitarian
issues, but also because it threatens the shipping industry seriously. It is only
appropriate, therefore, that the IMO has declared "Piracy: Orchestrating the
Response" as the theme for World Maritime Day 2011.
This distinguished audience would know that piracy is not a modern phenomenon.
The Roman lawmaker, Cicero, termed it ‘a crime against civilisation’ about 2000 years ago. While piracy figures prominently in the annals of many European tales, its occurrence off the Horn of Africa finds historical mention, with the classical Greek text,Periplus of the Eritrean Sea, and Ptolemy’s classic, Geographia, revealing its existence in 1 AD and 150 AD respectively.
The Gulf of Aden-Somalia region is notorious once again today, as the dominant
hotspot for piracy. In 2011, there have been a total of 243 piracy attacks worldwide
resulting in 26 hijackings, of which 21 have occurred off Somalia. Today, Somali pirates hold a total of 20 vessels and 451 personnel hostage. Navies of several nationalities have been deployed in the region since 2008 on anti-piracy duties. Today, between 30 and 40 warships patrol these waters, revealing that their presence has brought down the success rates of hijacking in 2009 and 2010.
The economic cost of piracy, from waylaid vessels, delayed shipments and idle
crews is substantial. Ransoms, insurance premia, deterrent equipment, re-routing of
vessels, piracy prosecutions, and running costs of anti-piracy organisations add to the economic burden. It is estimated that maritime piracy costs the world economy about $12 billion each year. This is substantial.
The manner in which the other piracy hotspot - South East Asia - tackled this
problem holds out a lesson for the Horn of Africa. The pirate activity reported in the South China Sea and the Straits of Malacca and Singapore in the late 1990s and the early part of this century saw significant reduction owing to a series of measures conceived and implemented with the co-operation and support of littoral states. The Malacca Strait Patrols launched jointly in 2004 by Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand, was one important measure. The Regional Cooperation Agreement on Combating Piracy and Armed Robbery against Ships in Asia or ReCAAP, of which India is a member, was another that curbed piracy through effective information sharing. Such initiatives highlight that piracy is best tackled as a shared security threat and a multilateral challenge. That more than 25 countries are participating in anti-piracy efforts
off the Horn of Africa highlights its continuing international character.
The response of the international community on piracy is therefore based on
collaboration, which is best represented by the work of the Contact Group on Piracy off the Coast of Somalia, or CGPCS, the principal forum for international cooperation and information-sharing, under the aegis of the United Nations. The CGPCS was created in 2009, pursuant to UN Security Council Resolution 1851. Following its first meeting in 2009, four Working Groups were established to address military and operational coordination, capacity building, judicial matters, shipping self-awareness and public information.
It is widely understood that the ultimate solution to piracy does not lie at sea.
Piracy at sea is only the manifestation of socio-political inequalities and insecurities ashore. As UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon said, “Piracy is not a water-borne disease”, but a spill-over of governance deficit, complex socio-economic dynamics and lawlessness. However, it is a fact that the international community needs to contain the spread of piracy and render the high seas safe from its adverse impacts.
Let me briefly touch upon five issues that need to be addressed in doing so.
The first pertains to legal conviction of apprehended pirates. India is currently
guiding nearly 120 pirates through a judicial process. Whereas naval operations can
prevent piracy attempts or apprehend pirates at sea, their conviction by courts of law is important to reinforce the sense of security amongst those who put to sea legitimately and deter those who do so otherwise. Many navies adopt a ‘catch and release’ methodology that feeds pirates back into the system because they lack legal provisions to initiate action against them. The absence of a common legal policy amongst nations inevitably hinders the international objective of stamping out maritime piracy.
Second, a vast majority of those apprehended constitute lower-end operatives,
whereas there are no means to catch ‘bigger players’. International effort must address this shortcoming and evolve mechanisms to target the handlers, planners, managers and financers of the long and elusive piracy chain.
The third challenge pertains to ransoms. Refusal to pay ransoms is not in the
interest of hostages. However, it is a sad reality that the lure of large sums of money has a corruptive influence and drives the economically or socially marginalised towards crime. It also reinforces piracy and upward spirals of ransom demands. Higher demands lead to protracted negotiation, resulting in increased human suffering. In fact, a striking feature of Somali piracy has been hostage-taking for ransom, which perhaps makes it akin to maritime kidnapping. Unlike pirate attacks in the Straits of Malacca or off the coast of Nigeria, where ships are boarded with the intent of armed robbery, Somali pirates take merchant ship crews as hostage with a demand for ransom. This is possible
because pirates find sanctuary in Somalia and its territorial waters and can hold hijacked ships there for indefinite periods awaiting termination of ransom negotiations. Today, the average duration of negotiation has increased. While the average captivity period was 55 days in 2009, crews are now being held for as long as three to four months. In the recent case of MV Suez, the ship and her crew were in captivity for over 300 days.
While piracy tends to be discussed only in economic terms, of serious concern are
its human dimensions - the trauma experienced by seafarers and their families during
periods of captivity. There is evidence that a number of seafarers held captive are illtreated.
The suffering endured by such seafarers is immeasurable and recent instances
of violent assault and torture deserve the severest condemnation. This is a new trend and a serious concern for us seafarers.
Fourth, hostage situations demand a coherent policy response. However, the
global nature of modern shipping presents to this an unintended challenge. A ship today may be owned by a company in one country, fly the flag of another, charter for a company in a third, and have a crew representing many other nations. Not the most ideal condition. As a consequence, responses to a hijack take more time than desirable to crystallise, owing to complex inter-governmental and interagency consultations.
The fifth issue - one that reveals a sense of encouragement - is that many ships
have escaped capture by implementing preventive and self-protection measures
recommended by the IMO and the shipping industry. The industry needs to ensure that
such measures are widely implemented. Its comprehensive guidance document,
commonly known as "Best Management Practices" for merchant ships, suggests
methods and measures to prevent, deter and defeat pirate attacks. Surveys suggest that ships that conform to these are far less susceptible to pirate attack. For instance, operating at high speeds or with higher freeboards, or with crews taking shelter in "Safe Houses" or "Citadels" during attacks has proven to be successful in preventing hijack in several cases. In fact, in my view, provision of a "Safe House" or "Citadel" is an extremely effective self-protection measure against piracy and I have repeatedly recommended it for implementation onboard all Indian flagged ships. Use of armed guards by ships is another means of improving their onboard security. A policy for deploying armed security guards on Indian flag ships is being examined by the Government and would provide a credible measure of protection, once implemented.
But I emphasise that such personnel will need to be security-cleared and well-trained before being positioned as armed guards on our merchant ships.
While we grapple with these five issues at multiple levels, the Indian Navy
continues to spearhead the nation’s anti-piracy endeavour. The Navy is an active
participant in anti-piracy operations in South East Asia as well as off the Horn of Africa.
We also have a ship deployed continuously in the Gulf of Aden that has escorted more
than 1600 merchant ships safely thus far, including about 190 Indian flagged ships. It is a matter of great satisfaction for us that no ship under Indian Navy escort has been hijacked till today. The Navy collaborates actively with other maritime forces in the region to co-ordinate anti-piracy assistance and provide credible military presence to deter piracy and maritime terrorism.
There may not always be the physical presence of an Indian warship at the scene
of any incident. However, I would like to assure you that our Operations Room is on a 24X7 alert and constantly tracks the movements of merchant ships in the area,
particularly those released from captivity. We are also in constant touch with other
navies operating ships in the region – and the nearest warship, irrespective of
nationality, is requested to offer assistance, when required, and all navies have been most forthcoming.
Our Navy is also an active participant in the Working Group on Military and
Operational coordination at the CGCPS.
In end 2010, it became clear to naval analysts that pirates had changed their
tactics and began using hijacked merchant ships as mother ships to carry out attacks at
ranges as extended as about 1000 nm from the Somali coast. This manifested in the
form of increased piracy incidents in an area West of the Lakshadweep Islands in Nov-Dec last year. In response, the Navy increased its anti-piracy deployment in the area significantly, and as a consequence, intercepted four pirate mother ships, apprehended 120 pirates and rescued 43 hostages in 2011. One can say with certainty today that because of the Navy’s proactive approach, piracy incidents East of 65°E Longitude have decreased by nearly 70%.
We in the Navy understand that as a leading seafaring nation and a net security
provider in the Indian Ocean, India has significant stake in preserving the freedom of the seas. I take this opportunity to assure our seafaring community that the Indian Navy will continue to do its utmost to ensure the safety of our seafarers and our seaborne commerce, and protect national and international shipping and other forms of maritime activity in our waters.
I once again laud the tremendous role played by our seafarers in sustaining the
nation’s economic lifelines and in staying at the frontline of our battle against seaborne threat and piracy. Their welfare and safety must be of priority to us. I commend the DG Shipping for his determination to bring this issue to prominence in 2011 and reiterate my personal support to this important initiative.
With these words, I thank DG Shipping for giving me this opportunity to be here
today and wish the organisers of this important event all success in their endeavours.
Thank you. Jai Hind.

COSTA CONCORDIA - THE ODER SIDE OF TRUTH

What Really Killed Costa Concordia’s Passengers?

Captain Schettino has received a lot of criticism in the mainstream press and, possibly, even more from industry insiders for abandoning ship before the last passenger was safe. An important question is not being asked however… would his presence on the bridge have saved lives?

The answer is likely no.

Abandoning ship may have been unconscionable but it was certainly not a lethal decision. This post hopes to identify those mistakes made which directly resulted in loss of life, but also come to the defense of the Captain by identifying what actions did, in fact, save human lives.

Of note, the following comments are made with input from ship captains and maritime experts based on the evidence now available. But its not until the “black box” is analysed and the investigation complete that we can determine the true causes of this disaster. What you are about to read are the best guesses of ship experts.
The First Fatal Mistake

Accidents are a result of many small events which latch together to form an incident chain. Taken separately, each mistake is minor but when strung together, they lead to disaster. Remove one link, one minor mistake along the timeline, and the chain is destroyed… disaster is avoided. It is beyond the scope of this article to reach back and uncover each mistake that was made, mistakes that reach back well before the vessel was even designed. I only mention this because the first major failing may sound small to some, but it’s critically important to the safe operation of ship.

The first fatal mistake was likely in the training of the bridge crew. The job of the captain is to give orders and the crew must accept even foolish ones, but it’s the understanding and execution of these orders which is most important.

When Captain Schettino ordered a “flyby” of the local port, it was the mate on watch’s responsibility to lay the course line down on the chart, check for hazards and advise the captain of obvious dangers. Once underway, it’s the mate’s job to follow the planned route and monitor any identified hazards.

“Flyby’s” or “showboating” maneuvers are in-fact dangerous, but are preformed every single day by countless ships around the world. So why did this one run aground?

The most likely answer is the mate on watch got distracted and missed the turn. This is easy to do with today’s reliance on a myriad of electronic navigation devices and the distraction that comes from phone calls to the bridge, logbook entries and, yes, sometimes the call of Facebook updates streaming into a cell phone.

We do not know why the mate on watch missed the pre-assigned turn, maybe it wasn’t laid out on the chart in the first place or maybe the Captain ignored the course line, we don’t know, but the turn was missed.

A classic failure of bridge resource management and crew training.
The Second Fatal Mistake

Slow down!

We hear those words everyday, but in our cars and at work, may of us ignore them. Moving fast is ok most of the time, but not when you’re in trouble. Once the turn was missed the ship should have slowed down. This is not a simple task on a 114,147 ton moving object, it requires backing down on engines and can result in uncomfortable motions that would disturb the passengers.

But it’s essential.

Once the turn was made the ship should have slowed down. But it didn’t.
The Middle

Many mistakes were made during the next few minutes but none of them fatal. Cruise ships run into rocks and reefs on a semi-frequent basis (it happened just last week here in the US) and most people survive. Even aboard the Titanic, there was enough time to save most lives if enough lifeboats had been available. Mistakes happen. The captain could have sent out a distress signal, he could have loaded all the lifeboats and taken a number of other positive actions, but I believe those actions would not likely have saved many lives..

The most critical factor in disasters is time. Time slows down in the mind of those witnessing disaster, but the real clock, the one on the wall, keeps ticking. Only so much can be done and the captain himself can give nothing but orders.
The Third Fatal Mistake

One hour and twenty five minutes after the point when the Costa Concordia missed that first critical turn she ran aground on the beach of Giglio island and, in doing so, the third – and possibly most fatal – mistake was made.

A slowly sinking ship that’s relatively stable and close to shore is not intrinsically dangerous. Yes, you want to get the passengers off before she sinks but you still have time to preform the rescue. What is dangerous is a listing ship!

When a ship lists past 5 degrees she becomes exceedingly dangerous (check out this video). The smooth steel decks turn into slides that propel equipment and people down it at a high rate of speed. It’s common practice to beach a sinking ship for two reasons. First, it brings the ship closer to shore allowing people to swim to safety (which they in fact did in this case) and limits the time of those who jump overboard from being in the cold water. Second, grounding the ship prevents her from sinking which can allow you more time to rescue those stuck inside her damaged hull.

Some even praise Captain Schettino for running the Costa Concordia aground, but this decision was flawed.

When a ship is grounded to prevent her from sinking, the typical maneuver is to point her bow toward a sandy point on the charge and drive her ahead. This was not possible here because the ship had lost propulsion. Instead the ship was driven by thrusters (or current, the facts remain unclear) sideways toward the beach. When the keel hit bottom her 114,147 tons of steel continued to have momentum but, because she was moving sideways (all sway with very little surge or yaw), the momentum didn’t propel her further onto the beach, rather it seems to have caused her top-heavy build to “trip over itself”.

The ship’s stability was already reduced by the free communication of water into the ship at the area of damage. Grounding reduced the stability further. When the keel touched bottom the center of gravity moved from inside the ship down to the keel. Just watch a toy ship in the bath as you let out the water… once the toy ship’s keel touches the bottom of the tub the ship tilts over.

Why does a ship list to starboard when all her damage is on the port side? This could have been caused by emergency ballasting procedures (pumping water into the starboard side to compensate for the water entering to port) but the more likely answer is that by grounding her starboard-side-to the beach the ship’s momentum pulled her over to starboard.

This was the most critical mistake!
Cougar Ace

Listing Car Carrier Cougar Ace

In 2006 the massive car carrier Cougar Ace grounded on rocks in a remote section of Alaska. The damage was extensive but all crew members were able to escape to safety. A fatality did happen, as Joshua Davis so eloquently discovered in his article about the disaster, but not for days after the incident. The death did not occur in the storm or escape from the ship, it happened in calm seas when a salvage expert accidentally skid down her heavily listed decks.

Heavy lists aboard ships are dangerous and, in this case, could likely have been avoided if, rather than beaching the ship, Captain Schettino had anchored her in close proximity to the shore.

Recruitment Scams Every Mariner Should be Aware Of

                                                    
Employment scams can be a pretty nasty thing considering the kind of advantage the fraudsters can take of unnoticing people and what you stand to lose. If you are a mariner, there are several recruitment scams that could take you for a ride. Prudence is your only defense.

Mariner world  brings to you six types of recruitment scams which are widely prevalent in the maritime market.

1.       False agency
One of the most unfortunate events in a job hunt would be to run into a promising job agency that offers you a dream job, only to find out it was in fact bogus. A “phoney” agency would have everything to pass off as a real one- official looking website, contact numbers, email addresses but it would be a maze of never ending search.
Such a website is most likely to flaunt many promising job offers, not to mention a glowing past record of successful recruitments. On the flip side, an agency looking a bit too guarded with box numbers and distant addresses and no real contact information can also be just as fake. If that’s what you have run into, you might want to hit the ‘look- closely’ button.  Check for the email address and the domain. If the agency or the company uses a free email service (eg: yahoo, gmail, MSN etc) then you should know it’s not what you think it is.

2.       Pay before you get a job
All employment scams involve people being sliced off for their hard earned money. Fake companies and fraudsters thrive on people’s desperation to find a well suited job. This is their way of rubbing you of valuable bucks. This is often done in name of

• Procedure

• admission fee

• recruitment fee

• air fares

• visa

• work permit

•  security for the job

• Payment for forwarding resumes to companies

In most cases, you would be promised your money back on receiving the job. That has never happened. When an agency seeks money for any kind of services, you should know something is fishy. Such recruitment scams may promise you a lucrative job. However, what is important to know is that under international Maritime convention, you cannot be asked to pay for a job before you actually get it. A company doing that is most probably not even a company.

3.       Posting Resume on a website
A website allowing you to post your resume on it for free is most likely running a work scam and not a social worker. This fraud aims at collecting people’s job information which can later be sold to the employers. This is where the profit for the scam runners comes in while both the other parties are left with nothing in their hands. At some stage, they will convince you that you are just one step away to getting your job. Of course, that one step could require you to pay up.

4.       ‘900’ number scam
A rather uncommon but no less malicious cruise job scam could rip you off a huge sum with nothing in return. Many of fake websites or agencies often prompt their ‘victims’ to call a ‘900’ number. These numbers charge a greater sum for each call. Fraudsters scam off their profit by making unknowing people call such numbers often, even making them wait deliberately. The big bucks that would later be paid by you in phone bill for these calls would grease the scam runners’ palms.

5.       Non-existent job offers
Many times, you could be presented fake job opening by posting them on websites. These openings are often links to other websites or sometimes even print outs from papers and other places. Everything would seem great. The only bummer might be that those jobs might no longer be available.
Making fake job openings or using older ones is what keeps this work scam going. This is most typical in marine jobs. Look closely for more authentic information mentioned on the websites. Also run a back ground check of your own before you give into such a scam.

6.       Reveal it all scam
Another scam every marine should watch out for is where your personal information is asked as a part of the recruitment process. This cruise job scam could ask you for your personal information including bank details (in name of making direct payments at later stages), sometimes even asking for your passports and seafarers certificate.
This is a part of a much bigger scam that aims at identity theft, not to mention spamming your inbox with useless updates of job offers. Such work scams later provide crucial information for much bigger scams, and a whole lot of mess to deal with, not to mention a job which was in fact where it all started from.
                                                                              

Marriage -- Married or not… you should read this.

Married or not… you should read this.


“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

I saw this on the internet.. I thought I would share this for all of you.